What a weird fucken day.

Do you ever have one of those days that just seem...off? Long? Arduous? Humorous? Ridiculous? Today has been one of those days all wrapped into one.

It actually started last night with me reading the third book in the "Twilight" series immediately before heading to bed. Bad idea. I spent the night tossing and turning, having incredibly vivid dreams about my soul-mate (who happened to be a vampire) coming to rescue me from...not sure...a bathroom? It was weird and confusing and left me exhausted today. Of course. For, like, the one day a week I have to work. Perfect.

Work was...fucking work. 98% of the people I work with are assholes, and I was left to fry (both physically and mentally) for four straight hours with no break in purgatory aka the Rock 'n Roller Coaster Courtyard aka the surface of the sun. Holy shit, I'm used to hot, but that shit was HOT. And I have the charred knees to prove it...every time my knees touched the ground, another layer of skin would singe off. It's a pretty glorious thing to think about.

Funny story about work, though. Well, funny to me. I totally had a Michael Scott moment and should be institutionalized for my "that's what she said" addiction. I'm standing at the computer in the equipment room waiting for the clock to run out so that I could clock out and overhear something so amazing it takes every fiber of my being to keep myself composed. A photographer was having trouble with his camera and the coordinator was helping him troubleshoot. The coordinator and the equipment person both say, repeatedly, about the flash card in the camera, "Take it out and blow on it." I swear to God I almost had an aneurysm trying to keep myself composed. I could not blurt out "That's what she said" simply because I was at work, with a whole bunch of dudes, who don't know me like that, and, not to mention, it would be so inappropriate. And, yet, they continue to repeat this simple sentence, and I continue to freak out internally. Thankfully, I was able to remain composed long enough to save myself the embarrassment, but I totally wanted to pull a Michael Scott, as is demonstrated at 0:31 seconds of the video below:



I cannot get enough. But, I digress.

So, after work, I had a few errands to run. I went to Barnes & Noble and spent a full hour looking for the perfect planner. I'm only 65% sold on it. I may need to shop some more for theperfect planner. I'm a huge nerd.

After my exhausting shopping excursion, I went to Panera for some dinner to nosh on. Keep in mind, during all this time, shopping, eating, being in public, I'm wearing my work clothes aka my costume aka my fat pants aka the most unflattering shorts known to man. Whilst in Panera, I get hit on by two lesbians. That's right, read that one again. TWO. LESBIANS. I must've really looked like a lesbian today. Awesome. Fucken shorts and charred knees. Dead sexy.

Also, while I am sitting in Panera by a window overlooking the outside patio, there is a fairly young couple with a little boy that decide to feed the gross, huge, scary, hideous crows their leftovers. As soon as that one, single potato chip hit the ground and a mangled crow limped over to it, I shit you not, a dozen more of those fuckers came out of nowhere and started fighting the mangled one for the scraps. Needless to say, it lost. Now, there is a massive swarm of these bloated, black bodies flying around outside, inches from me (granted there was a window between us). Slightly freaking out. Then, the young couple's little boy starts running/waddling through the swarm of disease-infested birds, laughing and drooling. And the parents continue to feed the birds so that the little boy can keep running through them. So, it winds up being a disturbing musical of sorts: food is thrown to the ground, birds swarm, little boy runs through the birds, the birds disperse, food is thrown to the ground, birds swarm...Oh, my God. Way too much for me to handle. Why the FUCK do people feel compelled to feed wild animals? It's not fucking cute. There's a reason they have a show on TV called "When Animals Attack." I don't get it.

Anyway, my next stop is Walgreens. I'm looking for a knee brace to wear to work so that when I kneel down, my knee won't get scorched. It's a Walgreens I've never been in, so I'm immediately disoriented. While I'm walking down the aisles, I completely and totally forget where I am...as in which Walgreens I'm in or what part of town I'm in. It took me about 3 minutes to remember that I was in Dr. Phillips. Scariest 3 minutes of my life.

Oh, and I got a new toothbrush. Score!